That whole body thing again....

So, I sort of get why I have to have a body. It's an experience of being an animal. As much as I would like to run out into public screaming "I am not an animal!" like the Elephant Man, I know I am. We all are. To deny our nature would be foolish. More foolish would it be to deny our spiritual nature, since, alas the body must die. Maybe I figure, if I don't get too attached to my body, dying won't be much of a loss. It's a defense mechanism to try to be purely spiritual. Just achieve spiritual immortality, get to heaven, and the body won't matter. Sounds simple enough, but I think existing as an animal is supposed to teach me something. I loved being pregnant and giving birth. What's more physical than that? And, a soul without a body couldn't eat chocolate, get a runner's high, or have sex. It couldn't even hug someone or wipe away a child's tears. I love being able to pet my dogs, watch movies, listen to music, go to concerts, and write this. I want to go back to school, or somehow learn to make films and write screenplays. Ah, it's the limitations of animalhood. So many things to do, so little time and energy. In my case, so little innate talent. I wanted to be a musician and actress when I was little. I tried to learn the guitar...I was not very good. I tried to write some songs...they never came to me. People say we usually settle for a mate. It's much harder to settle for ourselves. Yet, it seems ungrateful to not enjoy the simple, tiny bit of talent we have. I always felt the worst life would be one of a person with severe cerebral palsy, to be completely trapped in a body that can't be controlled by your brain. In my year of nursing school, I had a patient with cerebral palsy who was only a few years older than me. I talked to him all morning while feeding him breakfast. He was my captive audience for that day. I wonder if he wanted me to leave him alone, or if anybody ever just talked to him like that. I made some stupid jokes, and have no idea if he found them funny. It would have been awful for him if he really liked me, though, because he couldn't communicate it or ever contact me again. What if I was his soul mate, and his body wouldn't allow me to really know him? I think I understand him, somehow, in the way I feel separate from other people much of the time. My failed attempts at creativity are like a short circuit in my brain that won't allow me to share my spirit with the world. But in my case, it's probably my own fault. I'm not so uncreative that I couldn't have cultivated something as a talent. I probably have a self-esteem handicap, but I allow it to win. His handicap is a losing battle. He doesn't have a choice.

CHOOSE TO BE AN ANIMAL TO THE FULLEST SO YOUR SOUL CAN GET THROUGH!!!!